Thoughts on an "advice seeker" personality

[CB89]

Hello everyone, I am new here. This is actually my first post. My name is Chris. I am currently going to college, studying to teach Psychology in school.

(more intro on the general forum)


Anyway, to the point! 

I have a friend that has a personality that has me confused. I hope maybe you all can help me figure it out.

He lives about 45 minutes to an hour away from most of his close friends, and thus he calls us constantly. (Me in particular) He will call us and ask us for advice on just about everything that comes up in his life concerning a particular girl. Now i know this probably sounds like he is merely an excited friend, but it goes beyond that.

Before now, I had determined that he has a very egocentric personality. He constantly has to be right, etc. However, I believe that this is partially caused by his own insecurity.

He came across this girl that showed a certain amount of interest in him, and now he is having problems with her. He will literally call my girlfriend, read every one of his texts to her, get her advice, then call me and read me about 50 texts and ask for my advice. I used to think he was just a REALLY confused person. T hen I thought maybe he can't think for himself. But now I'm beginning to think it is something more.

Bear with me here...

Is it possible that his constant need to seek advice is an extension of his egocentricity? Ergo, he feels compelled to share everything going on in his life concerning this female in order to assure us ( or perhaps just himself ) that he has people interested in him? I honestly don't know how else to word this, so i apologize if it sounds confusing.

He is also the type of person that will constantly ( and dramatically ) change who he is for a girl that shows interest in him. For example, in this case he went from being an extreme of one religion to an extreme of another and he isn't even dating her yet.

I'm not really attacking him in this post, so don't take it that way. He is my friend. I just find him so fascinating

Thanks in advance for the feedback! Oh and thanks for allowing me to be a part of these forums!

                                                                                                                                                                                 - Chris

[SWM]

externalised locus of evaluation? seeks approval and validation from others.

lack of trust in own ability, and judgement. cause is likely to be criticism from significant others during development of self concept.

[CB89]

makes sense. thanks for the feedback

[CB89]

Anyone have any thoughts on how to approach someone like this when they are asking for advice? I don't want to feed his need for social acceptance by ignoring the fact that it can be, or become, problematic.

[SWM]

if we go with my theory that he has external locus of evaluation.

Then the how to deal with this ames from strengthening the internal locus of evaluation.

He has to make and trust his own judgements.

How can you influence this?

1 casually ask him for advice on random subjects. Be accepting and respond genuinely to what he says. (It might not be advice that he gives.)

2 when he asks you for advice. Empath with how he feels about his dilemma. 'Thats a tough one!' or 'there is so much to consider here!' them ask him what he thinks about his own problem. And find ways to agree with his conclusions.


If you can demonstrate that you trust him he will begin to trust himself

[kaitlynx.]

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[Demiurgic Truth]

It could be, as you said, that he wants to be sure people are interested in him. If he's changing constantly for certain people, egocentric and constantly asking advice for things that he may or may not need advice on, it could definitely just be making sure that someone's listening.

Try to be sure that you encourage him not to become co-dependent. SWM worded it perfectly with demonstrating trust in him to help him build trust in himself. From my experience, most people that are egocentric use it as a defense mechanism because of insecurities that they want to hide.