Social Personality Disorder

[Roger Mann]

Yes, the title is intentional and I haven't forgotten the "anti".

Is there a disorder which causes the sufferer to morph their own personality so that they appear in the best possible light to the people they're interacting with? I don't mean just agreeing with the other people to fit in, but more reading clues about the personality and adopting the ones that give them the best chance of social success, by manipulating the other person's emotional responses. No other dishonest motivations such as being a con man, of course I do recognise that the process itself is dishonest but I wanted to make it clear that it's not for criminal gain.

On another forum I go on there have been posts by a couple of people who exhibit these traits, OK for the sake of full disclosure one of them is me, and now we're at a stage that is best described as an identity crisis, of not knowing what is the real responses and what is being reflecting back at someone as part of this people reading process. After a bit of introspection I believe that this process, that I've been doing for many years, was just a strategy to be accepted and fit in when I was a kid, but now as an adult it's become a bit of a worry.

I think the first step, after recognising that there is a problem, is identifying what it is, which is why I'm here asking if this is a well known personality type so I can look for strategies to counter it.

Any advice gratefully accepted.

[Kallisti]

This seems pretty normal actually.  The only really unusual thing is that you're aware of it, normally conformity is fairly subconscious.

[SWM]

Yes, the title is intentional and I haven't forgotten the "anti".

Is there a disorder which causes the sufferer to morph their own personality so that they appear in the best possible light to the people they're interacting with? I don't mean just agreeing with the other people to fit in, but more reading clues about the personality and adopting the ones that give them the best chance of social success, by manipulating the other person's emotional responses. No other dishonest motivations such as being a con man, of course I do recognise that the process itself is dishonest but I wanted to make it clear that it's not for criminal gain.

On another forum I go on there have been posts by a couple of people who exhibit these traits, OK for the sake of full disclosure one of them is me, and now we're at a stage that is best described as an identity crisis, of not knowing what is the real responses and what is being reflecting back at someone as part of this people reading process. After a bit of introspection I believe that this process, that I've been doing for many years, was just a strategy to be accepted and fit in when I was a kid, but now as an adult it's become a bit of a worry.

I think the first step, after recognising that there is a problem, is identifying what it is, which is why I'm here asking if this is a well known personality type so I can look for strategies to counter it.

Any advice gratefully accepted.

i think is a normal ego-centric personality trait. this is something that i used to be aware of myself doing. i often get a sense of other people doing this too.

[Karaten]

I would chalk it up to adaptive survival instincts.

[Roger Mann]

Thanks for the replies.

I do get a sense of people doing similar things, but never to the same extent that I seem to do it.

Further discussions on another forum, with someone else who has noticed identical personality traits, and it seems we both have an unusually wide circle of friends and acquaintances. We also seem to have very few enemies, something I put down being able to always present ourselves in a favourable light. What's even stranger, when you consider how many people we know, is that we're both essentially loners, in my case especially during my so called formative years. The reason why I know so many people is that I'll often head off to strange city or country, and after a few days I start to build up a new circle of friends. The guy on the other forum described very similar experiences.

[ConsciousPuppet]

this reminds me of my own personality to an extent. I tend to be very friendly and gain peoples trust by giving them approval and letting them feel they're not judged. With other people who are more outgoing i just show interest in what they do or talk. I earn respect form the meaner looking fellas by not fearing them. And i still consider I have a sincere personality. I don't consider it hypocrisy.

Why would it be a disorder to want people to see you in your best possible light? It actually seems socially useful.

[voodoo scientist]

It's not really a disorder, and it can be a very effective strategy that in many cases can last a lifetime. You might want to ask yourself if you're really willing to commit to doing that for the rest of your life though, because while it's a good bang-for-your-buck strategy early on, the people you regularly interact might not understand if you suddenly "have enough of pretending" and start to show your cards, both because the behavior change will surprise them and because they won't be quite sure how real your relationship really is.

Edit: When considering if a personality trait is suitable, I like to ask two questions: "Is it effective?" is obviously the first. The second I feel is more often neglected when people make these decisions about their personality traits: "Is it sustainable?" I think asking that question in addition to the question of efficiency might be a good idea.

[gone]

There is something I recently came across that was the final piece of the puzzle for me to understand someone I'd known for a long time. The story is quite lengthy but very interesting, I may post it on here sometime to help others understand 'IRRATIONAL FEAR OF REJECTION DISORDER'..
When I was 13yrs old I got a new and distinctive jacket. A few days later my 'friend' called for me wearing exactly the same jacket having gone and bought one the same. This was over 20 years ago and her copying behaviour has continued, not just me but others she knows too, from holidays to wallpeper to hairstyles to college courses to behaviour and even sentences. I got frustrated because I couldn't understand what would motivate a person to do such a thing. But I came across this which describes her to a T..  It's fear of rejection and I wonder if that's a little of what you are experiencing. We all have it and we all want to fit in. But when like my 'friend' you totally loose your identity in the process, become sneaky and a liar who are difficult to converse with that's likely to make people reject you, as I did her. But I wouldnt' worrry too much it's perfectly normal to want to fit in but don't loose your own identity in the process. 

Google search HANDLING FEAR OF REJECTION to see if this helps.

[ELADA]

Roger, i recently started a thread about my sister:

"  http://psychology-forum.com/general-psychology-forum/my-sister-can-program-herself-and-control-her-feelings-and-memories!/  "

She is like a chameleon, she can make her personality any way she wants to be perfect for anything that is needed.

Is this in any way familiar to what you're talking about, Roger?

Thanks in advance!

You might need to copy paste the link instead of clicking it, im not sure it got copied properly (sorry)