Trying to figure my mother out

[sweet_dream]

Hello everybody!

I am a healthy 30 year old woman, and I would describe my childhood as normal. But as I have grown older, and especially after I have gotten to know other families and people, I am beginning to see that my mother is a little different. (Um, aren't we all?) 

But I wonder if she may have some type of disorder...how to began...when I talk to her, (and I have felt this way for years) her answers always sound "programmed." I talk to her on the phone, and she never not asks me how what the weather is doing in my state, and what I am planning to have for dinner. I get so annoyed with her, I always tell her "Mom, I have not decided yet. Please stop asking me what I am having for dinner." I know this sounds a little harsh, but she ALWAYS asks me, even when I ask her to stop. She seems pre-occupied with the weather, and has for many years. She would watch for the weather channel every night just to see what the weather would be like the next day so she could plan what to wear for work. (She works in a office). She would ask me or another family member "Did you get any weather yet?", and she would always call me the second it started to rain back when I lived at home, to make sure the windows where shut.

To give a little more info, she does not have much going on in her life. She works, and that is about it. She does not really have a social life, and does not belong to any clubs, or have hobbies that get her out of the house.

The Mothers of today seem to want to make everything an enriching learning experiance for their young children, with their Baby Beethoven DVDS, and always trying to  teach their children new things whenever the situation arises, but I always felt like my Mother did not push me/encourage me as much as she could have; in fact she disencouraged me from alot of things.

For example, when I was about five, I wanted to make a "get well" card for my best friend, who was sick at the time. My Mother said, "No, don't do that." It made me feel embarressed that I was being sweet. Why on earth could I not create a get well card???

Another time, there was supposed to be a clown show at the library the following day. I was drawing pictures, and I had said cheerfully, "Well, I think I will draw a clown, because I may be seeing one tomorrow!", and my mom said "No, don't don't do that because you don't know if we are going tomorrow." Did she have to disencourage me from drawing what I wanted though??

I am just curious to see if this strikes anybody else as strange.

She always treated me younger than I was, and made me so uncomfortable about talking to her about guys, that I would sneak around and go out with boyfriends and not tell her. She threw a tantrum when I was 19, and wanted to go stay overnight in another state with a guy. I was still living at home at age 23, and went out with my now hubby (who is a little older). I got back a little later than usual on that first date night, and she threw a hige tantrum, actually terrifying me and making me think i did something wrong by going out with this guy. (I have been with him ever since and he is a great guy and she knows that now.) But when I was getting ready to move out at 26, she threw another huge tantrum, throwing mail on the floor, and crying in hysterics in another room. It's not like she really spent alot of time with me or had a close bond with me.

Another thing that I wanted to mention is that when i was younger, about ages 9-12, my older brother would beat up on me alot. Whenever I would bring it up later to tell my mom about it, she would totally brush if off, and say "He's a brother. That's what brothers do."  It use to shock me when i was a child, and a teen, and I would see siblings that actually got along/hung out together/played together. When I was about 6 or 7, my brother made me cry from his roughhousing so much that my dad and mom told us that we where never to play togeteher ever again! And from the day on, my brother completely ignored me unless he wanted ot hurt/taunt me and we never had a real coversation together until I was about 19 or 20. (After he had moved from the house.)

But of course I love my family...I have no probs with my brother now...I am very happy and healthy now, and after seeing a little more of the world, it just makes me wonder about my own mother. Sorry about th elong post, I was just hoping some posters on here may have some insight. Thanks!

[Lemonkissesxo]

It's hard to get a grasp of what your mother is like, but I completely know what you mean. My mother was kind of different as well but it's kind of hard to explain because a lot of knowledge about this sort of thing is just accumulative. While I think it is unfair and nearly impossible to diagnose someone based off of a little bit of information, the behavior does kind of seem unusual, especially the tantrums.

Some of my own mother's behaviors are very parallel to your own mother's, actually. But I also know for a fact that psychological disorders of various types run in my family. It's possible that she has an issue but I think everyone has little quirks and weird things about them. Sometimes mental illness isn't really black and white.

I'm glad though that you are happy now. That's what is most important. ^.^ Good luck with your mother, though.

[White_Noiz]

I'm glad you're happy now, that definitely the most important thing.

I'm curious though, what was your mom's relationship with your father like? He doesn't seem to come up much in your recollection of how you and your mother interacted.

I definitely know that feeling of being annoyed with automatic sounding responses though...my dad is a lot like that. He's a big-time introvert and doesn't really talk much at all, and most of the time talking with him is like answering a survey. Altho, there are times when he opens up and it's awesome. I'm 21 now, and not more than maybe 2-3 weeks ago, I found out my dad briefly lived with a pimp b/c his roommate (who was gay) felt he had to leave the house they lived in. Had no idea lol.