Hello Alien,
The first thing you have to understand is that, as explained below, your symptoms do not constitute your problem; they are produced by your right brain, “another mind, inside of my mind,” outside of your conscious control to protect you, to help you solve your real problems. There is nothing abnormal with your symptoms, in the sense that they are what they should be, given the circumstances of your life.
You have two real problems: (a) you are lonely; (b) you have some misconceptions about yourself because you have been abused in childhood. The first problem is a consequence of the second one but is kept active by your continuing inability to make friends.
All children are loved and taken care of by adults. But some adults abuse the children they love. In reality, this happens very often, in varying measures in various ways. Children become aware of the abuse at different ages and after being abused in different measures. These differences can be due to various factors. For example, a lovely child receives more love and care from adults and trusts them more compared to an ugly child. Consequently, a lovely child is more open to abuse than an ugly child and becomes aware of the abuse later than the ugly child. When an abused child becomes aware of this fact, he/she produces defensive behaviors which contrast with his/her earlier trusting and loving attitude. In a way he/she becomes bad.
It appears that you became aware of being abused later than your siblings because of reasons mention above, for example. Your contemporary bad behaviors are delayed reaction. But this too is not a mistake, as explained below.
All non-organic mental disorders are caused by unbearably harmful failures. Your failures are presented above as your two problems. Symptoms seek to terminate the failures and their harmful consequences. The most harmful mental consequence of physically and socially harmful failures is that they suggest mental insufficiency. For example, a lovely and good natured child who becomes aware of the abuse too late and may even have unknowingly helped his/her abuser to abuse him/her is likely to develop the fear of mental insufficiency. This idea or fear remains repressed in various degrees of effectiveness and necessitates being eliminated totally because it is very harmful and is in reality totally baseless. Symptoms do this “job” too. Some of your symptoms are interpreted below.
“Another mind, inside of my mind, saying extremely negative and offensive things about myself.” Your unconscious is warning you about the mistakes that you are making in evaluating and dealing with your problems.
“It feels like someone is controlling my mind.” Your abuser controlled you because stopping him was impossible for you as a child; you cannot blame yourself for that.
“It tries to interfere with my thoughts.” Your abuser was capable of controlling your thoughts; as a child, you could not stop him; you cannot blame yourself for that.
“IT would make the flowers in the garden die, or bleed.” He was too bad and strong; he hurt everything nice, not only you. You cannot be blamed for that.
Your depression is caused by your idea of having totally failed, which is due mainly to your current inability to solve your problems and to make friends in addition to your past failure to protect yourself. Depression serves to restrict activity for preventing further failures.
“Thoughts of me having sex with some sort of creature, or something of a different species.” Your abuser was “inhuman.” You could do nothing about that.
'”Why would anyone want to talk to you, you're a horrible person.” You are unable to make friends because you expect everyone to be bad to you like your abuser was.
“This 'voice' doesn't sound like my voice either. It doesn't sound like it had a gender.” You don’t behave like you should; be more active and masculine instead of blaming yourself for everything bad that happened to you.
“When I see a church, or go by one, I get sick.” You are blaming God for not terminating your sufferings and you are blaming yourself for not deserving his help. Be more masculine and try to solve your problems yourself instead of blaming God or yourself passively.
The symptoms of non-organic psychological disorders have self-protective functions but also have harmful side effects like most, or all, medicines. Unlike animals, humans produce very complex defensive symptoms because they have a more developed brain. Animals are not equipped with the defense mechanisms possessed by humans. Unlike humans, an animal made to experience harmful failures repeatedly loses its abilities that serve to keep it alive. This phenomenon is called “experimental neurosis.” Scientists have still to discover what a wonderful instrument the human brain is, including yours.
THERAPEUTIC ADVICE
You have to realize that being loved and abused in various measures is the fate of all children; and sexual abuse is not the only form of abuse. Some children are hurt more than others because of circumstances that no child could control. Therefore there is no reason for self-accusation of any kind because of being abused in childhood. It is also wrong to expect everyone to be bad.
You must try to make friends. You will be helped by the knowledge that no human being is a perfect devil or an angel. You must learn to protect yourself without assuming in advance that everyone is bad. You must realize that people try to associate with someone to share his/her experiences, especially his/her successes and happiness. If you have no success and happiness the share with others, they will try to share other things that you may possess, and you will evaluate this as being abused. Therefore you must try to make yourself successful and happy in a masculine way using any available means. There are means of making oneself successful and happy even in loneliness. Above all, trust your brain and seek success in any form. Success is the best remedy.
Topic: Odd mental disorder? Possibly Multi-personality disorder? (Read 4140 times)
March 31, 2010, 01:42:43 AM
