Mental disorder, or a still troubled troubled teen?

[citlali]

No matter how many conversations we have, no matter how many times I think she understands, my sister has gone right back into her neverending downward spiral of hate.

I need some help here if anyone can provide it.

She had a rough childhood, and all along the way she has had unrealistic expectations as to what people should have done for her. For example, she is currently ritualistically, everytime she gets upset, sending her ex boyfriend's friend messages yelling at him for not intervening while she was dealing with all her problems at home with our alcoholic father. She is yelling at him repeatedly for not stepping in when her ex wouldn't come pick her up etc. She tells me like she really believes he should have. And I tell her over and over again how unrealistic that is. For one, I doubt her ex said anything in these instances to this friend, for two, just the fact that she was his friend's girlfriend would make him less likely to try to be involved at all. She just tells me no, there's no reason why he couldn't have helped her, and just goes back to getting herself all agitated and writing
him nasty messages over and over again, while he sets there profusely apologizing for not knowing what was going on so that he could help her. She just keeps insisting he knew and didn't care and is lying. The guy is 3000 miles away now, I'm telling her why would you think he is lying, what would be the purpose, if he didn't care at all he wouldn't even be responding to you. Nope, she just keeps going and going.

When she talks about not having work experience etc, she also targets this person because she had asked him and her ex to help her get a job where this friend worked.  I asked her, did you put in an application?  She says, no.  Not sure what she expected there.  Seems she just told this person to help her get a job, and also expected her boyfriend to want to come get her and drive her to work all the time.  Obviously not her fault that her dad wasn't helping her get a job and drivers license and such, but she shouldn't have expected this friend and her boyfriend to bend over backwards for her when it was so difficult to do so.  And I also ask, well if your boyfriend was driving you in to work(he was between jobs at the time) , what were you going to do once he got a job? (small town no public trans, and she lived 5 miles from it)  She just continues to say repeatedly "There is no reason why they couldn't get me a job"

Repeatedly there were people who helped her in many ways, took her places, let her come to their homes for short times to get a way from the crap at home, consoled her. And when they wouldn't entirely forsake their lives in order to save her (she seemed to go to people for help and expect them to entirely adopt her), she would immediately change to hating them. She expected entirely too much.

She stayed with me at one point a few years ago and because I actually cared about her, and asked her to just let me know where she was going and such, she ended up despising me for that, and I sent her back to live with our dad since living with me was so horrible.  Thought maybe it would wake her up.  I don't think it did anything at all.

She should have gotten the help she needed a long time ago, but she was failed by her school and a counselor she was seeing, as well as Children and Youth (Pennsylvania's children abuse "help" who told her they had kids with real problems to deal with).

She is 18 now, and living with me and my family again. Is this something only therapy is going to help her with? Should I just stop frustrating myself stop trying to talk to her at all? Is this beyond my ability?

Is what is happening with her part of a mental illness or just a troubled teen still troubled?!

Does she just need a wake up call that the world doesn't revolve around her?!

[SWM]

my appologies for the lack of a response to this post i have a lot of extra work at present.

it is generally a difficult call with children and adolescents, so many things which we as adults think are symptoms of disorder are simply exagerated psychological and emotional processes. i think it would be fair to say that most psychiatric symptoms are normal psychological processes that have somehow become exagerated and dysfunctional.

children and adolescents are more prone to this due to the fact they are growing and chagning so rapidly.

in the situation that you present making a call on whether or not their is a mental disorder is really difficult given the fact that the teenager here has also expereinced difficult/traumatic life events from an early age. as such she will be is more prone to emotional and psychological disturbances.

are there any local agencies that you could ask for professional advice?

[citlali]

She has gone to her first counseling session 2 weeks ago.  During intake they spoke with me on the phone and the lady said she has PTSD and bipolar without even talking to her.  Mostly based on her assumptions because our mom was bipolar, and the few things she asked me.

I don't have much faith in it, especially since they said they'd call her within a week and it's been 2.  It's seeming like an overloaded state system to me.

I am doing all sorts of research on my own, mostly because there are other things that are scaring me to death.  I have a 2 year old toddler, and she is repeatedly leaving things around that can hurt him.  Scissors left on the couch  the other day for example.  I don't think deliberately because she is doing it when she actually uses t"hem, the scissors she used to take a tag off of a shirt she bought.  But it's very consistent.  Even when I've gotten extremely angry about it, it's like it doesn't phase her at all.  In desperation to get her to realize what she's doing, I showed her a story online about a kid who picked up a pencil and fell and it went through his neck, and said look, this is why I'm telling you to be more careful.  And she just keeps doing it.  Knives close to the counter edge where my son can reach, I am constantly feeling like I have to watch her every move and double check everything.

She mentioned in one of her messages to a friend that she is a sociopath.  And yesterday another message she states to her friend "I hate these things I do, how about you?  I'm on to the next one already." with a link to the profile of a guy that she started hanging out with this past weekend.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know if the counselors will talk to me so I can tell them about these things.

[SWM]

She has gone to her first counseling session 2 weeks ago.  During intake they spoke with me on the phone and the lady said she has PTSD and bipolar without even talking to her.  Mostly based on her assumptions because our mom was bipolar, and the few things she asked me.

this just makes me want to scream with frustration for you. she has never spoke to the patient and has asked you some questions and has come up with a diagnosis of PTSD and bipolar.

I don't have much faith in it, especially since they said they'd call her within a week and it's been 2.  It's seeming like an overloaded state system to me.

i dont blame you. it sounds terrible.

I am doing all sorts of research on my own, mostly because there are other things that are scaring me to death.  I have a 2 year old toddler, and she is repeatedly leaving things around that can hurt him.  Scissors left on the couch  the other day for example.  I don't think deliberately because she is doing it when she actually uses t"hem, the scissors she used to take a tag off of a shirt she bought.  But it's very consistent.  Even when I've gotten extremely angry about it, it's like it doesn't phase her at all.  In desperation to get her to realize what she's doing, I showed her a story online about a kid who picked up a pencil and fell and it went through his neck, and said look, this is why I'm telling you to be more careful.  And she just keeps doing it.  Knives close to the counter edge where my son can reach, I am constantly feeling like I have to watch her every move and double check everything.

She mentioned in one of her messages to a friend that she is a sociopath.  And yesterday another message she states to her friend "I hate these things I do, how about you?  I'm on to the next one already." with a link to the profile of a guy that she started hanging out with this past weekend.

it sounds like you are doing the right thing, trying to find answers for yourself and seeking to educate and communicate with your sister in a positive and constructive manner. keep at it.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know if the counselors will talk to me so I can tell them about these things.

i really dont know how to help you with this counselor. you should be able to talk to someone but unless you are legally classed as a guardian for your sister they will not be able to tell you any confidential information about your sisters treatment.

[miagi]

I guarantee you that 89% of these problems arise from his childhood on how she was raised. Troubled teens can be sent to homes for troubled teens, boarding and boot camp style schools,behavior modification schools, troubled youth programs, and rehabilitation programs.

[thepostman]

could easily just be sense of entitlement born from unresolved trauma, she keeps acting "unreasonably" because it's worked for her and so many people are happy to oblige... she'd have to want to change ... doubt she's mentally ill seems more like has a massive chip on her shoulder