Demons

[Seraphan]

Hello,

not sure whether I am posting in the right section. Maybe someone can move it to its correct place.

my fiancé broke up with me once again. Well, she is actually running away. She said she has problems, big problems right now. Psychologically speaking. She has not had a good life yet, experienced violence and abuse.

While I know the reasons for her behavior and how to handle, there is one big thing that I do not understand. I hope to find someone that can make me understand or tell about his experiences.

She told me weeks ago already that her demons are back. Apparently they have a huge influence on her mental state. She does not really like to speak about them, refuses to answer questions. The only thing she revealed one day was when I told her that I wonder why she does not say anymore that she loves me. She said that her demons do not permit her. The only other thing she said was that they are stronger than her.

[SWM]

hi,

mental health seems like an okay place for this topic for now, i am geussing this topic is going to lead into a discussion about auditory hallucinations and delusions. 

While I know the reasons for her behavior and how to handle, there is one big thing that I do not understand. I hope to find someone that can make me understand or tell about his experiences.

what is that you would like to know or understand?

[bdng09]

It sounds like she is having auditory hallucinations, which could possibly be from a number of things, such as schizophrenia, or drug use. Generally, hallucinations don't go away and come back, unless she was on medication and stopped taking it. Even then voices can still be around while on medication, they are just easier to ignore.

[Seraphan]

What I would like to understand is how these demons appear, how they act, if they are visual in her imagination, if they are only voices, and of course what to do. I tried with god, love, her own courage. But it is very difficult to "fight an enemy" that you don`t know, don`t understand while he knows you well. Since I know it is psychologically caused I hoped someone can relate to this.

She has never been on drugs. About medication I am unsure, I don`t know of any, but she might have tried them before we knew each other. I think people would call her schizophrenic. She sees people passing behind the house, or even in our house. I read this would be schizophrenic. I also read it has an anatomic cause, and can probably be inherrited. Her father was spiritual, used voodoo. She might have inherrited, but I don`t know. He left her mom when she was 2 years old. And he has never been seen again.

[SWM]

psychiatry would recognise that hearing voices and seeing visions is not of itself a disorder. what some might call hallucinations are actually very common experiences across many different cultures. i dont have statistics to hand to verify but there are large numbers of the global and national population that experience visions and voices, for them the experiences cause them no distress and they function well.

for a mental disorder to be diagnosed these experiences need to be persistent but more importantly they need to be causing the person distress.

how they appear and how they act is different for everybody. is she is having visions then what she is seeing exists in reality outside of her own mind. with as much the same reality as the walls around you and the floor beneath you. auditory hallucinations can be experienced inside the brain as when you think and have a dialogue with yourself. or outside the voices can be heard outside of the head in any of the ways you hear sounds nomrally. visions and hallucinations can be very difficult to differentiate from non-halucinated experiences.

what to do? thats the big question isnt it?

dont be afraid of her experiences.  help her to not be afraid, however that may be. like i said above it is the distress caused by the experience not the experience itself that qualifies for a psychiatric diagnosis.

if you can help her to find ways to understand what is happening she may not be as distressed if she has explanation for her experiences. there are many explanations for visions and voices, medical science, neurology, psychology, religion, spirituality, voodoo, black magic explore ways with her that she can relate to.

the answers for your friend will be very personal and it is a journey of understanding herself and her experiences.

i will try to offer as much help as i can but i dont have all the answers, and the answers i do have may not be work for everybody.

certainly here to discuss further if you need to.

[Seraphan]

Ok SWM, thank you for your insight.

It is fine and dandy when you say that if I can help her. But I cannot help her if I do not understand what is happening, how it is happening, when it is happening, why it is happening. I am not afraid of her experiences, I am not afraid of her demons. I told her that, but she is not accepting my help, as I said in the beginning; she is running away. I am not used to that. I am used to be searched to protect and to make the other feel secure.

Besides she is not accepting any help, she is denying that the abuse has any impact on her life and our relationship. So where could this journey possibly start? The only chance for the better is to find out how these demons act and all, and what she needs when they appear.

The more I think about it the more I believe I am not getting any further just going the psychological path. She has a spiritual background, her father had been involved in black magic, voodoo. There was spritituality involved with the abuse.

[SWM]

But I cannot help her if I do not understand what is happening, how it is happening, when it is happening, why it is happening.

thats is not true. you do not need to know any of those things in order to help. the person who is best to answer those questions if your friend. science does not have adequate explanations of these experiences. and the ways that medicine help seems to cause more problems than it solves. religion and spirituality are not accepted by all people, and so we have many explanations that are suitable for some people but not for others.

I am not afraid of her experiences, I am not afraid of her demons. I told her that, but she is not accepting my help, as I said in the beginning; she is running away.

what help have you offered?

So where could this journey possibly start?

the journey is within herself her psychological development. it started when she was concieved.  the journey is your friends journey, you are her companion on that journey, if she allows you to be. this is how you truly help her, by being her companion, not by trying to fix her.

The only chance for the better is to find out how these demons act and all, and what she needs when they appear.

these answers can only be given by your friend. there is no set of guidelines that describe how your friends experiences manifest, nor any prescriptions of what needs to be done when they arise. any such prescriptions that i have seen are medical guidelines, with medical descriptions which rely on a medical intervention. which are not always considerate of individuals cultural and personal belief systems. 

The more I think about it the more I believe I am not getting any further just going the psychological path. She has a spiritual background, her father had been involved in black magic, voodoo. There was spritituality involved with the abuse.

you are probably right that you are limiting your self by looking for answers in one area, psychology can offer many answers but cannot provide a complete picture.

[Seraphan]

But I cannot help her if I do not understand what is happening, how it is happening, when it is happening, why it is happening.

thats is not true. you do not need to know any of those things in order to help. the person who is best to answer those questions if your friend. science does not have adequate explanations of these experiences. and the ways that medicine help seems to cause more problems than it solves. religion and spirituality are not accepted by all people, and so we have many explanations that are suitable for some people but not for others.

My fiancé is not answering any questions regarding her demons or any other feeling. I was not saying that I cannot help her at all. While I know the why and how to handle her insecurity or other psychological issues caused by the abuse, the demons seem to have power over her, ordering her to destroy our relationship. And I do not need to know about them to help her, but to avoid that they cause her more stress. I am no friend of medicine to supress a psychological issue. I am convinced that love and understanding are a lot more powerful in the long run than any pill.

I am not afraid of her experiences, I am not afraid of her demons. I told her that, but she is not accepting my help, as I said in the beginning; she is running away.

what help have you offered?

I basically helped her by showing her my love, that I stay by her side, whatever happens. And of course I told her that I am not afraid of the devil.

So where could this journey possibly start?

the journey is within herself her psychological development. it started when she was concieved.  the journey is your friends journey, you are her companion on that journey, if she allows you to be

She is not allowing me, that is why she ran away. She will be back when she is better, but she will not talk about it, nor answer questions. The whole thing will start all over when the demons return.

The only chance for the better is to find out how these demons act and all, and what she needs when they appear.

these answers can only be given by your friend. there is no set of guidelines that describe how your friends experiences manifest, nor any prescriptions of what needs to be done when they arise. any such prescriptions that i have seen are medical guidelines, with medical descriptions which rely on a medical intervention. which are not always considerate of individuals cultural and personal belief systems.

I am sure there is a guideline for a companion in cases of mental distress. And I am sure she is not the only one that has demons that make her destroy her happiness. And I agree with you, medicine is no option, since it surpresses the symptoms, and it has no way to consider cultural and personal needs.

[SWM]

While I know the why and how to handle her insecurity or other psychological issues caused by the abuse, the demons seem to have power over her, ordering her to destroy our relationship. And I do not need to know about them to help her, but to avoid that they cause her more stress.

when you ask her if you can do anything to help her what does she say? what does she say she needs from you?

I basically helped her by showing her my love, that I stay by her side, whatever happens. And of course I told her that I am not afraid of the devil.

thats seems reasonable, i wont go to deeply into how you show your love but i would just like to point out that people expereince love in different ways. what you see as showing love another person might see as being controlled.

She is not allowing me, that is why she ran away. She will be back when she is better, but she will not talk about it, nor answer questions. The whole thing will start all over when the demons return.

she does not feel able to allow you to share here problems. do you find it difficult to accept that?

I am sure there is a guideline for a companion in cases of mental distress. And I am sure she is not the only one that has demons that make her destroy her happiness. And I agree with you, medicine is no option, since it surpresses the symptoms, and it has no way to consider cultural and personal needs.

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+Psychotic+Experiences.htm

the website above is a charitable organisation that works very closely with people expereincing mental health. there are some further links on that page.



the national insititue for clinical excellence (UK) provides guidelines for health care professional and the public, the link below is guidelines on schizophrenia for the public. (not syaing your friend has schizophrenia but many experiences are the same.)

http://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/pdf/CG1publicinfo.pdf

nice guidelines for a range of common mental illnesses
http://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/index.jsp?action=byTopic&o=7281&set=true

[Seraphan]

when you ask her if you can do anything to help her what does she say? what does she say she needs from you?

She says she does not need any help. She is ok. She says that the past is the past, and she does not want to remember. She says she needs nothing.


thats seems reasonable, i wont go to deeply into how you show your love but i would just like to point out that people expereince love in different ways. what you see as showing love another person might see as being controlled.

Thank you. I show that I understand, be caring and tender. Of course I do not know if she feels being controlled. It would rather be me that has this feeling. ;-) But I don`t mind her calling me every hour asking where I am and what I am doing.


she does not feel able to allow you to share here problems. do you find it difficult to accept that?

Interesting question. I hope to learn more on that topic. It is not difficult to accept it since I know why, and since I know she will share when she is ready. But it still is not what I am used to, how I was educated, how I am myself, and knowing that it complicates matters.


http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+Psychotic+Experiences.htm

the website above is a charitable organisation that works very closely with people expereincing mental health. there are some further links on that page.



the national insititue for clinical excellence (UK) provides guidelines for health care professional and the public, the link below is guidelines on schizophrenia for the public. (not syaing your friend has schizophrenia but many experiences are the same.)

http://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/pdf/CG1publicinfo.pdf

nice guidelines for a range of common mental illnesses
http://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/index.jsp?action=byTopic&o=7281&set=true


I will look through the provided links. Thank you