Emotional cutoff

[peterj]

After going through a personal trauma, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying that we need to let each other go, and cut herself off emotionally from her friends and loved ones. She used to be very close to her sister (who is incredibly loving and supportive of her), but now only contacts her on important occasions (Christmas, New Year's, etc). And she doesn't have a cellphone anymore, so communication is only one-way when she decides to make contact. Plus she's now living in a different city. With me she hasn't communicated at all since we broke up (3 months ago), and hasn't replied to my emails. What makes the cutoff strange is that everyone including myself has always been so loving and supportive of her.

It now appears she has run off with another man (heard through the grapevine), and after being together for only 2 months they now appear to be living full time together.

What do you make of her behavior? It's very hard to understand.

[peterj]

Your imagery seems awfully naive and subjective. Why do you care if a girl broke up with you? Clearly you won't let her do it! Could that be why she has moved? Could that be why she hasn't listed her new number? Are you bigger and more volatile than her new squeeze? Why does her family want to know you when she's done with you? Or are they just being polite in case you erupt? Have her stories re: you made them afraid of you?

I'm being naive? You begin an ad hominem attack on me because I actually care to find out what is going on in a particular situation. You don't know the facts, and if you did you would be highly embarrassed by your behavior.

Moderator - Is this kind of personal attack coming from nowhere allowed on your forum to someone innocently seeking advice?

Anyone else with some common decency able to provide some constructive positive input and advice?

[S. Earl Martin]

 Peterj:  Ignore Hard Science he couldn't find his butt with both hands and a road map.

I can understand where you are coming from. I have posted about this before, but it seems appropriate here. Sometimes you just don't know why people do what they do. Especially when you think they love you and care about what happens to you. When they just leave or betray you it can really shake you up. I had a girl I really loved years ago. I paid her rent, car payment, gave her cash to buy stuff and I find out she is cheating on me with some moron. A wanna be biker. So I asked her why. She says" he is so exciting". Really? So I told her she could have Mr. Excitment. All of a sudden she is having to pay her own bills and she can't pay her rent or car payment on her salery. So she calls me. She wants to get back with me. I asked what happened to Mr. Excitment? She said" I don't understand he was so exciting before. Now he just bugs me for money and if I don't give it to him he gets mad." She really didn't understand what happened so I told her. It wasn't him that was exciting. It was cheating on me and the possibility of being caught.

Anyway it hurt, but I knew if she could treat me like that I couldn't trust her. So I moved on. I found another girl who I married. We were together 20 years. She was the best wife I could ask for. So my advice is if she is treating you like this you don't need to be treated like that no matter how much you love her. Find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. If she comes back to you? You will always wonder if she will do it again? 

[peterj]

S. Earl Martin, thank you for your wise council and advice.

You are right, a person's behavior is often hard or impossible to interpret or understand. And with this woman I loved, it has been inexplicable. After telling me she's not ready for a relationship and probably won't be ready for a long time, but that she would be with me when she was ready, I now hear after a couple of months she's very much in a relationship with another man. After telling me how much she loved me, she goes and betrays me. It is very hard to understand or deal with, particularly when you love someone and give them your all, and they love you back.

You are right, if she has done it before she might do it again, and there can't be any trust anymore. And her behavior towards her family is also inexplicable, one day extremely close the next she cuts herself off emotionally from them and starts a new life. Clearly there are deep issues that would take a long time to psychoanalyze, and probably not worth my time or effort.

I will over time move on and deal with the hurt. Thanks again for your constructive advice.

[S. Earl Martin]

You sound like a caring person who deserves to be happy. I hope and pray that the person who can share that with you comes to you soon. Find someone who will love you for you and cares about you as much as you care about her. I know she is out there. It might take awhile or maybe not. I meet my wife just a few months later. When I saw her I could tell she was something special. Like I had been waiting for her all my life and there she was. We had 20 years together. We went thru hell, but we stuck together and never gave up. Be Blessed and Good Luck Earl 

[S. Earl Martin]

Hard Science: You are a jerk. You are the one whining about how your daddy don't love you anymore.

[peterj]

You sound like a caring person who deserves to be happy. I hope and pray that the person who can share that with you comes to you soon. Find someone who will love you for you and cares about you as much as you care about her. I know she is out there. It might take awhile or maybe not. I meet my wife just a few months later. When I saw her I could tell she was something special. Like I had been waiting for her all my life and there she was. We had 20 years together. We went thru hell, but we stuck together and never gave up. Be Blessed and Good Luck Earl

Thank you so much for the kind words and thoughtful advice. It is must appreciated

[S. Earl Martin]

No I don't have the time. Basically you were refering to how your daddy has a million dollar house or something like that and you are forced to drive a piece of crap car. Obviously if that were true daddy isn't sharing his money with you and you were whining about it.

[720iD]

 To be "nurtured" by a thinking human being is the worst possible fate.

Would being crippled and nurtured by a thinking human being not be worse than being nurtured?

[S. Earl Martin]

Good of you to recall that for me. Whining? You must have changed the soundtrack while you were viewing that. Mine went along the lines of, "I gotta get outa this place!" None of the "If I were a rich man..." Although I am, actually. But not by being my daddy. Just by being what I love being, doing what I love to do.

I have always viewed myself as content to be orphaned. To be "nurtured" by a thinking human being is the worst possible fate.


I see so like being the worlds leading authority you also are rich? Sure you are? So enlighten me on how you aquired your vast wealth? I know how I got mine. Hard work and good investments.

[SWM]

did you notice most of hard sciences posts have been deleted. that was not me he did that himself.

[S. Earl Martin]

Maybe it's because I started using them to show inconsistances in his logic? Or lack of logic LOL! Or maybe he is taking his toys and going to go play somewhere else? One can only hope!!!

[720iD]

hard science is hanging out at http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum/index.php?s=251bdc88095885ff8167f9d65e75cdf2&showtopic=221491&st=15

[S. Earl Martin]

Thank's Is he still being a pain in the thread?

I went there and apparently he is still using a bat avatar and is Vollmer. His posts still make no sense. The other members are trying to figure out what he is talking about. I hope he is gone. I really like this sight and it can be fun, but when everytime you post something or a new member arrives he tends to ruin it.