Attitude problems with authority

[MrBojangles]

I've ALWAYS had problems with authorities. It's not something I notice, it's just something about the way I am.

Now let me tell you something about myself. Im intelligent, proud and confident. This mix means that I'll often have an opinion about something and be sure that I'm right. This can sometimes lead to me questioning the authority. The thing is, if I were to just "bend" and "let them have one" that makes me feel really badly. Especially when I'm being blamed to something that's not my own fault.

Now the thing is, I undesrstand that a leader sometimes has to make a slightly bad decision but I shouldn't question it because it's more important to have one leader making all the decisions than a bunch of people trying to control the group. This is obvious to me. I still have problems doing things that I feel are wrong. It's just natural. I want to be the leader, I naturally try to assume that position everywhere that I go, perhaps that's the problem?

Anyway, i realize i have a problem, the question I have to YOU, my dear reader, is how do I deal with it. How do I accept being subordinate and therefore "lesser" and be fine with it. I know for sure I would feel much better if I just told them all to go f themselves, but that will prevent me from achieving ANYthing in life. So I just have to deal with it, but how??

[acousticeagle]

Hi MrB. Your's in one of the most interesting posts I've read here in a while. This is probably because you've described your situation well, and admitting in honesty what you believe your problem is. Here's some of my thoughts:

This may sound somewhat simplistic, but people are divided between three categories in the respect of being more inclined towards being 1. a leader 2. a follower 3. an independant. Some people are more naturally inclinded to want to lead, and they feel comfortable in that - their natural confidence and ability to organise other people is in tune with their personality attributes. Same with that of the 'follower' - they are more comfortable accepting the leadership of others. Most of the time (depending on the level of self-awareness) the natural inclinations of 'leader' or 'follower' is self-accepted in the individual. And then there are those that are the independants who march to the beat of their own drum.

You sound like you are more naturally inclinded to be a leader. But with leadership comes responsibilities, which can require knowledge, life-experience and wisdom for that leadership to be successful. If the leadership is widely accepted (by those that either follow or those that merely fall in line with that leadership), then there's good indication that leadership is doing a good job. Leadership also involves making people feel secure, thus people will 'follow' if that leader makes them feel that way.

Thus, in a basic society level a natural leader will have an air that is trustworthy, a natural form of 'authority', something people can trust. I know an elderly woman who was a civic councellor and is very wise. She's a natural authority that people go to for the imparting of knowledge and wisdom. People are inclinded to follow what she says.

But then there are those who are in authority, like police, medical professionals, any learned professional, for eg. In the capacity for humans to be corrupt, which includes the above (etc) authorities, people who question automatic authority are needed by society. They will question, and not merely accept an automatic authority, thus providing a check and balance for societal regulation. You could fall into this category. But to be successful at this, you need to have objectivity and the right verbal ammunition by which to question and/or defy.

You use the word 'subordinate' and 'lesser'. This tells me that you have a less objective view of your situation and possibly feel somewhat left out of what your future, or destiny, should hold for you. Those who are natural followers and feel comfortable with that, would not consider themselves 'lesser' or 'subordinate'. It's just their natural inclination and their self-esteem doesn't necessarily suffer as a result.

What I think you might need to do is attempt to curb anger (re your second para)and seek to find out why you feel left out of having the respect for your own natural inclinations (ie that of a 'leader').

A leader that is proud, needs 'pride' in the right manner. No one likes a leader that is proud in the corrupt sense. A leader should also be a servant of those they lead.

I think that you might well need to find out what your destiny holds, where your natural inclination for leadership will end to your own satisfaction. Concentrate less on envy of those in authority and more on your own future, and make steps to fulfill yourself and make use of your own natural attributes. With the tempering that comes from the personal journey, you'll end up finding your niche.

Patience, work and perseverence. Nothing like that comes without effort.

[duldej]

In my educated opinion, so long as you're not in trouble with the law, then there's not a problem.  it's good to be confident and to think well of yourself.

you mention authority figures which leads me to consider which kinds of authority figures are giving you problems.  again, if it's not a cop, then I don't see where there's a problem.

you can be right and another person can be right, but you don't have to let on.

Socrates did that in Plato.  Maybe pick up a book by Plato.

Only in some situations like being in a love relationship does it matter that you need to make concessions.

it's maybe hard to live with you in which case, and to keep your significant other, you might have to step-down, but if there's no opportunity to do that, then I don't reckon you ought to sweat it.

by stepping down, I am meaning that you might have to grin and bear it when it comes to other peoples' worse opinions.

some people need you to wait 'til they're through finishing talking or they won't make any sense.  that requires some patience.  maybe consider it a form of entertainment.

I like how you state baldly that you're intelligent, etc.  being honest gets high marks in my book.  find someone that wants to hear that you're intelligent, etc and you might have a deal.

cops don't want to hear it regardless.  that's why I bring up authority figures that are cops.  legal problems are the outer-limits, in a way of where I'm willing to make waves.  you can't question them much.  shy of that, and at the risk of repeating myself, I say you're all right.

[hortonpilot]

Interesting situation.
After a wonderful education through the Jewish Schools and Monitsori ,i find i cant fit it .
 It has made me a better person but most people set so low standards for themselves.

Best to believe in yourself .

Horton

Above all operates the principal of ethical behavior, to which we are challenged on a daily basis.
Personal contentment comes from the intellect , i live in my head .
Our kids  are well adjusted


You do well to question the paradigm?

[MrBojangles]

Thanks for the spam Horton.

As for you other guys, thanks a lot for your responses. Also, duldej I think you answered my same post on two forums twice ^^

Any way. The reason this is a problem at all is because I get in trouble with authorities it isn't smart to get in trouble with.

Ex:
The math teacher in school
The (very incompetent) middle-manager in my mcdonalds job
Other incompetent "leaders" who are in that position either because: a: a friend promoted them, b: theyve worked there a long time, c: Only person available and possibly, d: Promoted in order to not cause and damage where you (dilbert principle)

I feel I have no respect for these leaders for the above reasons. You know how a true leader doesnt get upset, angry or vengeful. Those people you will always respect. But its those whiney middle-managers that take their personal problems and weaknesses then express them in the form of opressing you (whether consciously or unconciously).

I mean, I've never had problems with people on my level, at least never with attitude or respect things etc. Its very specifically those leaders who I don't choose to follow.

So, I hope you guys have some more insight specifically on how to deal with those problems. Because I feel from your replies that there is nothing wrong with this, however it can hamper me in life so I have to deal with it somehow.

Also, duldej, no I never have problems with cops etc because they are very professional and just want to do their job.

[hortonpilot]

There are things you can do to make life easier for yourself, it is really just a game .

Basic premise is always to be very careful about what you say and reveal about yourself.
If you do not you get in to trouble .

Possibly you are something of an outsider ?
Something you have to come to terms with .

It is a shit of a system but you can beat it if you use your brains.

*One of the most important things to realise is that most people are motivated by greed and envy , so it is best not to encourage these feelings in them as they will work against you.
It is the basic fundemental attitudes of the small minded that drive the difficulties they thrust on you.

In a situation that is not actually risky to you , you can do experiments on people by making up stories to test this theory.
You will be shocked how quickly their perception of you changes and how they react !
Not in all cases.
When you make the realisation of what you are up against you have a better idea of how to fend for yourself.

The rule is ," being happy for others in their success" is a rare thing and only the most well adjusted people can feel this . Most just deviate to envy as it is the least sophisticated response.

In your romantic and emotional life honesty does often lead to wonderful things, so i don't suggest you should fake your entire life.

 

Horton

[nan_yar]

I pulled up this old post with a google search because of a similar problem.

In my opinion narcissists are attracted to positions of authority.  Its been said that narcissism is the disease of our times and so i'm convinced that the majority of the bosses i encounter at Walmart are phallic narcissists.  They see others as extensions of themselves  that exist only to serve their goals. Its natural i guess.

 If one asserts their own will, or takes any initiative on their own, without being told what, when and how to do every detail, then the narcissists omnipotence is threatened and the underlying rage is obvious.

Personally i couldn't imagine being in a position of authority in this environment and having to play their games unless my self-image or bank account absolutely needed it. A sensitive eye sees so much hypocrisy, greed, lies and manipulation on their part.   But how much can one take of being merely an extension of anothers ego for 10 or 12 hours a day.  With no self of your own.  Many people today are familiar with  being used this way.  Our parents were the first to use and manipulate us. We had to give up parts of ourselves in order to keep their self-cohesiveness intact.  Thats why i am confused why its so easy for others to give up all their will every day for 20 years and still survive with their self-esteem.

I know a little about the three types of transferences in self psychology.  One is i can idealize the boss and then i am lifted up by my association with him.  Two--we are alike, him and I--twinship.  Again i share in his omnipotence.   Three,  I become exactly what he wants me to be, the hardworker, the faithful servant, the friend--and i am rewared as special among the other employees.

However, object relations theory states that among the ego structures there are two poles.  I can experience, and identify my self as a weak child in relation to a strong figure, or in order to defend against this weakness i can identify myself as the opposite pole, the strong father, in which case it is necessary to project the disowned half (the weak child) onto the environment and relate to others in this way.

So those that identify with the aggressor, NEED to see us as weak children.  They need to see us as irresponsible, as lazy, as incompetent to some degree, so they can maintain their image as the responsible, strong parent. 

I have really been carrying around more and more resentment and hatred lately which affects my work?  I have the knowledge, the seniority, the experience, and the ability to keep my mouth shut all day but am continually passed over for certain jobs that would give me a tiny shred of ability to make some small decisions on my own.

Am i only seeing my job through a lens i developed through a few books, or is there some truth to my seeing?
please help

[sakoz]

nan_yar;  You learned to walk and talk (virtually) on your own; in order to evolve/fit in your environment; you did what was necessary. By what name shall we refer to  that "inner resource"? You 'used' to learn to walk and talk. Isn't that (no-name) still available to you for other uses? I promote the "Health Realization" model.
Did you ever perform anything that awed you after you did it? That "inner resource" may be submerged now, but it's still there. Beliefs/conditioning usurps 'it'; but it still manifests occasionally as aha/insight.

I'm not affiliated nor certified by that "school of psychology". I to read a few books and via them refound/reconnected to my innate psychological resourse, our birthright.

Is there some truth to your seeing; you ask? We see 'our' truth, even if it's "mistakenly believed-thought-images".