IS THIS AN ETHICAL THERAPIST? help!!!!

[smurfette]

Okay, I will try to make this short and to the point.  DH went to see a new therapist today to tackle anger issues, anxiety, and depression.  We also have issues within our marriage as well.  So naturally DH feels as if our marriage and myself are the root causes of all of his problems and he presents his case to the therapist.  He mentions to the therapist incidences within our marriage where we have had some issues (there has been absolutely no infidelity).  So when speaking to my husband today to find out how the new session went, he proceeds to tell me that the therapist agrees with him and that it appears that I am the problem as well as our marriage that causes him so much distress.  Now I try to grasp this logically as I know that no therapist is to be that judgemental of the patient or his family, friends etc....  (Keep in mind that it is quite possible my husband may be bipolar as he has some predisposition to it from his maternal side of the family).  I guess what I am trying to ask is this: What the hell is going on?  Is my DH lying or is he merely putting his spin on what he feels the therapist was saying?  There was actually one part of their conversation where the therapist told my husband that he has alot of "patience" with me but does not feel as though he (the therapist) himself would want to continue the marriage with me if in the same situation.
If this therapist did say those things, why would he do so?  It does not seem as though he is competent or sticking to his code of ethics!!   Of course my husband thinks this guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread because for once he has someone on his side. (And  he actually told me this).  What is going on here?  Any suggestions or replies are greatly appreciated!!

[SWM]

a couple of points,

whether the therapist agrees with your husband or not, is not an issue of ethics. if the therapist does agree with your husband, then that might be an indication of the integrity of the therapists theoretical approach.

this could also be about the way your husband interprets the therapists responses to his disclosure.
if your husband is blaming you for his problems and the therapist is nodding and saying "right, okay" your hsuband might interpret that as an agreement.

the fact is there could be any number of things going on, and only time will tell.

could it be that your husband is telling you what he wants you to know as a way to manipulate your feelings?

i personally would not take any shit of my parter like this. if she came home and said to me, "My therapist agrees with me, that you are the cause of my problems" i would be like, "okay then, fuck off, and get your self sorted out, without me in your way"

[Karaten]

a couple of points,

whether the therapist agrees with your husband or not, is not an issue of ethics. if the therapist does agree with your husband, then that might be an indication of the integrity of the therapists theoretical approach.

this could also be about the way your husband interprets the therapists responses to his disclosure.
if your husband is blaming you for his problems and the therapist is nodding and saying "right, okay" your hsuband might interpret that as an agreement.

the fact is there could be any number of things going on, and only time will tell.

could it be that your husband is telling you what he wants you to know as a way to manipulate your feelings?

i personally would not take any shit of my parter like this. if she came home and said to me, "My therapist agrees with me, that you are the cause of my problems" i would be like, "okay then, fuck off, and get your self sorted out, without me in your way"

This is a good point. I wouldn't play along with your husband's game of using the therapist to excuse himself of responsibility to for his feelings.

[rmetherapy.com]

Based on the information you have provided, maybe the therapist is not competent, maybe your partner is manipulating you, maybe, as was mentioned above your partner has misinterpreted the therapists responses. Maybe none of the above.

However, based on what you have written the therapist does not appear to be unethical.

[acousticeagle]

Primarily, when a person is in the throws of frustration about what they are going through, the thing they first are looking for is validation of what they are feeling. With validation, there's relief. I have felt for some considered time that it's important that a therapist gives his or her patient some validation - but how this is done is a matter for professional ethics.

Clearly, there's problems in your marriage - not all marriages go the distance. Some people stick it out and hope, through therapy, that the difficult issues that have arisen will be resolved. However, if the marriage ends up a whirlpool of blame and shame, then it's time to reconsider whether to continue in the relationship. You only have one life to live.

Having said that, it appears to me that your husband has found relief also in putting blame (to whatever degree) on your shoulders for his issues. By coming to the forum and discussing your situation openly, well, it's like saying you are open to receiving insight into yourself and your relationship with your husband. But, also, that you will not take undue responsibility for your husband's condition. Working a marriage isn't always easy as it takes both partners.

From what you've said here, your husband wants to put blame on you for his issues - but that's not the reason why he went to therapy. He did that for himself so the focus must shift to his patient care. I can't really say more than that from your short post here. But I think that your husband has received a 'validation' of sorts, but in his emotional state he has probably taken what the therapist has said and expressed it according to his (your husband's) emotional condition.

What may spoken in a rational way can be taken, by those in therapy (or those with issues) in an emotional context rather than a rational one.

[/quote]  Of course my husband thinks this guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread because for once he has someone on his side. (And  he actually told me this).  What is going on here? 
[/quote]

[Social Work PD]

I agree with the previous responses.  We all interpret information according to our belief systems.  He heard and saw what he wanted regardless of the intention of the therapist.  Even if the therapist is unethical (which is unknown because this is not really an ethics question at heart), there is precious little you can do about that.  If your husband chooses to see an unethical therapist he may do so.  Trying to get him to stop working with the therapist is futile and damaging to your relationship with your husband.

If you want to know what the therapist said then ask your husband for a couple's session; not to do the he said/she said game, but to get clarification. 

If your husband truly sees you as the entire problem and he is an "innocent victim" in the relationship then there is little chance that things can change to a better position.  It takes two to tango.  If he doesn't want to tango then the dance may well be over.

[TheSandman]

It's time to let go!