Empathy

[messyalex]

Hey!

I'm Alex (a guy), 19. I don't know which aspects may be important so I won't introduce myself but if any information is crucial please let me know.

So, my problem is that I feel too much for other people. I'll throw a few examples to explain this.

1. When I'm watching a movie and somebody acts stupid (like a looser) my instant response is to press the "pause" button. Then watching this scene is a real nightmare, I pause the movie every couple of seconds. After that I rewind and I'm able to watch it normally (the first time - with pauses - it's usually hard to understand) without any problems.
The same thing happens with love scenes (when somebody acts awkward) and many others.
I think it's important to say that I personally don't have "any" social problems. I'd never behave like those people in movies (I'm absolutely aware of it) but somehow when seeing such scenes I feel anxious.

2. I'm going to be a doctor (like my mother) but I struggle with "fainting problems". Watching surgery on TV (and actually even thinking about any of this stuff) makes my dizzy. And I absolutely don't understand why but seeing pregnant women makes me very uncomfortable
Again, I don't have problems when I hurt myself. I can intentionally do things to myself that if I saw them on somebody else I could faint.
I'm also a lifeguard and I have no problems with helping (but just watching would be terrifying).

3. Maybe one last one. I was in church the other day and in the row before me there was a girl in a first communion (white) dress while all the other (first communion) children where gathering at front of the church. The girl was uncomfortable and didn't know what to do (she was with her mother). Out of nowhere I started to feel uncomfortable.

What I think could help me are some techniques (like meditation or something) that would let me understand that I'm "here" and "this" doesn't happen me - it happens to somebody else.

I'd be really grateful for your help. Yesterday I've listened to The Smiths' "Ask" song and decided that I have to finally do something about this problem

Thanks in advance,
Alex

[SWM]

hi alex, you mention that some meditation techniques to detach from the other persons experience might help you. have you looked into some meditation exercises that you think might be suitable?

i was interested to know how this is a problem. is ithtat you cant cope with these feelings or you do not like them? is it maybe that you do not want to have these experiences?

also the examples that you give are ones that make you feel uncomfortable. if we are to consider the problem as being sensitive to other peoples feelings are there situations were this ability gives you positive rewards, such as sharing peoples joy or even an intensification of your own emotions. how do you expereince positive emotions such as love or sexual feelings?

 

[acousticeagle]

I've considered that empathy can have a good/beneficial for the person acutely feeling it. Indeed, like in SWM's comment, there could be a heightening of good sensation, quote: "...such as love or sexual feelings". In this one would be able to feel the heightened empathetic sensation to higher degrees than others of less empathetic nature. The thing is how adapt it to suit you - not where it wants to just take you. This could be a phase you are going through in life, but, if not, and it remains, then if the sensation is heightened through its newness (though you may have been more empathetic in nature than others and not realised it until this time in life) then, being in its initial presentation, you're going to have to adjust your way through it.

You may also be going through a psychological phase of 'knowing yourself' - entering into a phase in life where you are maturing/changing - and along with that comes self-esteem adjustments. I believe that the self-esteem is something that people, in a state of self-awareness about it - should keep in a healthy state like they do the physical health.

But there's one thing I would caution you about. There's some people out there that are capable of tuning in to people who are highly empathetic - and then use that trait in that sensitive person for their own ends. You may have to learn how to sort through the empathy you feel for some people - the genuine ones- and people that would attempt to use your empathetic nature for their own ends. Having understanding into psychology is a good place to gain the knowledge into human nature - goes without saying.

There's a book that might interest you The HighlySensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron.

Good luck, Alex!

[ftrammell]

I agree that maybe some meditation would possibly help and maybe even hypnosis because if you are going to become a doctor there are a lot of things that you are going to have to see.

[docjp]

Hey!
s. I'd never behave like those people in movies (I'm absolutely aware of it) but somehow when seeing such scenes I feel anxious.
Alex

Being axious is a mild level fear, and if watching TV causes you to become anxious, then there is a program running in your MIND wherein you are becoming so attached to what you are watching that your MIND is confusing it with reality, and it is warning you one or the other parent may become aware of you allowing the people on the screen to do what they are doing, and you will be punished for their actions.

The program or your MIND does not have to be rational, or based on anything resembling reality, it is simply part of your childhood programing.

When you get anxious, turn the TV off, and close your eyes, and try to remember what in your own past would have caused you to feel the same anxiety?  With practice, you will be able to unlock the programing of your MIND, and this will allow you to not participate in such programing relative to your TV watching.

There is another point I wish to share.  From what you describe, you have acquired a substantial amount of what I refer to as EU [Empathetic Understanding], and this opens your psychic awareness substantially.  It is your emotionality experiencing what another is experiencing, so it is "real" and real-time emotionality you are experiencing.  It will take time, and a lot of acceptance on your part, but you can "detach" from the "responsibility" for what another is experiencing by simply realizing that you are sensitive, but what the other is experiencing is that person's Karma, not yours... except in that you have [in your past, either this life or other lifetimes]  experienced what the person is experiencing now, and that is how you "Know" what the other person is experiencing.
CDKA&EU http://about-psychology.com/CDK.html